thanks, larry, for your e-mail.
it was funny!
h
Larry Pate wrote:
> For anyone who isn't amused by all the recent virus warnings, take a look at
> this -- and enjoy!
>
> Best,
>
> Larry Pate
> University of Wisconsin-Madison
>
> ********
> From:
MORU4IA@aol.com
> Date: Mon, 5 Apr 1999 14:50:15 -0700
> Subject:
MORU4IA@aol.com: All district staff
> Sensitivity: Confidential
>
> VERY IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ THIS, FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY.....
>
> If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes," delete it immediately. Do not
> open it. It is a virus, and apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not
> only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything
> on disks within 20 feet of your computer.
>
> It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your
> ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field
> harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will re-calibrate your
> refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk
> curdles. It will program your phone autodial to call only your
> mother-in-law's number. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.
> It will drink all your beer. It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table
> when you are expecting company. Its radioactive emissions will cause your
> toe jam and bellybutton fuzz (be honest, you have some)to migrate behind
> your ears. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with
> Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and
> billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card. It will cause you to run
> with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses
> an eye. It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and Tinea.
>
> It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive
> tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change the
> interpretations of key sentences.
>
> If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows95 environment, it will
> leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously
> close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from
> your mattresses and pillows, but it will also refill your skim milk with
> whole milk. It will replace all your luncheon meat with Spam. It will
> molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it to smell like dill
> pickles. It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to
> behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve. These are just a
> few signs of infection.
>
> Enjoy your day!!
--
Haya Kivilis-Ofek
8th Biniamini St.,
Tel-Aviv 67459 Israel
Tel: 972-3-6956737
email: mailto:
tommy@aquanet.co.il